


Exploration

by Bunidesu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Sugawara Koushi, Gen, Gender Exploration, Gender Fluid Azumane Asahi, Sexist Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22080079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunidesu/pseuds/Bunidesu
Summary: What did it mean to be a boy? Playing in the mud and wrestling with other kids your age?What did it mean to be a girl? Playing house and dress up with your mother?What if you did both?
Relationships: Azumane Asahi & Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	Exploration

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re reading this not on a03 website and are paying to read this fic on an app why? I just wanna know. Because you’re just paying someone else to read what I wrote on a app I don’t use.

_"He’s just sensitive"_  
_"There’s nothing wrong with a boy who likes girls things"_  
_"He’ll grow out of it"_  
  
Ever since he was young Asahi heard comments like this from almost everywhere, family members, friends, and even his own parents. All talking about how ‘ _girly’_ he was and how some of his hobbies weren’t ‘ _boy_ hobbies’. When Asahi was small they didn't care as much, people thought it was just a phase so his parents would let Asahi do what he wanted.  
  
Kids weren’t as understanding. Asahi had heard every insult under the sun of how ‘pink was a / _girl_ / color’ and ‘only _girls_ play with dolls’. It didn’t take much for Asahi to draw away from playing with boys and started playing with the girls, but some of them were just as bad. ‘You can’t play boys are / _gross_ /’ and everyone's favorite ‘you'll just give us cooties.’ Eventfully Asahi just drew in on himself, he couldn’t play with the girls or the boys so he was left to himself.  
  
As he got older people were a lot less understanding, by the age of ten people were expecting Asahi to have grown out of his ‘girly’ habits and to be getting along with the rest of the boys. Some days he did, he’d wrestle and rough house until he was covered in mud and bruises like other little boys his age.

But at the same time some days, he was more interested in helping his mom with housework and would take the time dressing his action figures in different clothing dresses and all. On days like the former, all he could hope for was for his parents not to have company because without fail they would always comment on Asahi and how he wanted to play.  
  
_"Why do you let him do that, it’s /woman’s work/."_  
_"He’s not a girl."_  
  
That last one hurt him somewhere deep down, saying he wasn’t a girl made something twist oddly in his stomach. Funny thing was it wasn’t always that way, some days he didn’t care, he’d even agree with them. It was strange, it was weird, he was to afraid to bring it up to anyone, even his parents because they might cut out his dress up days completely.  
  
As he grew older he found ways to make himself feel comfortable. He’d learned that some days he was a boy and some days he just, wasn’t. He was only in middle school but he’d felt as if he’d just now found out something vital to himself. But he kept quiet, it was his secret about himself that he wouldn’t share with anyone. He could imagine the ridicule and insults he would get so he kept his mouth closed and his head high.  
  
It was also in middle school when he, after feedback from his classmates decided to join a sport. He’d heard comments both by his family members and by kids in school about how volleyball was a ‘girls sport’ and that he should _‘_ join a _real sport_ like basketball or rugby _._ ’ He certainly had the size for the other sports, but something in him rebelled and made him work as hard as he could at this so-called ‘girls sport.’  
  
When he started growing stubble around age 14 he’d heard people constantly talk about ‘what a little man’ he’s become and constant talk about how he’d grow into his hair he’d just smile, even if he didn’t feel it. Days when being a boy didn’t feel quite right he’d learned to keep his mouth shut and tune it out. The last thing he wanted to do was lash out and tell them he wasn’t a boy. It would cause more harm than good in the long run.  
  
It wasn’t until he joined high school that he found something new.  
  
“Alright first years introduce yourself, I want to hear your name, what middle school you went to, and what position you played.”

  
There were only three of them so they just decided to go in order, starting with the one with pretty silver hair.“I’m Sugawara Koushi, I’m from Nagamushi middle school, and I played setter.” The captain nodded and was going to head to the next person when Sugawara spoke up again. “Excuse me, I just needed to let you all know that I’m agender and I use they/them pronouns not he/him. And if you have an issue with it you can take it up to the school principal yourself.” They looked so confident staring down their senpai wanting for one of them to say something. So much so that Asahi almost missed his turn to introduce himself.  
  
After biting his own tongue and stumbling in his introduction the first day of practice ran rather smooth and unsurprisingly he was left with the other first-years to clean up. Seeing it was only a few of them there he took advantage of it to bring questions to Sugawara.  
  
“Um, Sugawara-san?”  
  
They turn and wave the formalities off. “We’re the same age, just call me Suga. Did you need something?”  
  
Asahi looks at his feet and fidgets, in theory, this was a good plan but when it came to talking it out it was harder than it seemed. “I-I um. Well, you see. What is with the um. Agender thing?”  
  
“What do you mean _what is with it_ _?_ ” Sugawara's eyes narrow immediately going to the defensive, which in retrospect made sense they didn’t know Asahi and for all they knew he was coming to bother them.  
  
Asahi holds up his hands in a surrendering manner shrinking into himself second-guessing coming up to them. “I didn’t mean it like that honest! I um. I wanted to know how you, yanno decided that. Just you know in case hypothetically someone was curious about it.”   
  
Sugawara looks less suspicious and then leaned their chin on a broom. “It was long coming. I never really felt like a boy, and thinking about it I never felt too much like a girl either. So sometime in middle school, I told my parents and while they were understanding they were just as clueless as I was. After that was mostly lots of internet searching and poking around websites until I found a word that I felt described me. So if _someone_ was interested I’d look up non-binary online and branch out from there. If someone had any other questions that someone can get back to me later.” They pat his shoulder twice and walked off to finish their cleaning.  
  
That night he spent hours tearing through websites, forums and other pages like Sugawara suggested. There were so many labels, agender like Sugawara but also terms like bigender, genderqueer and demi-gender. It was a bit overwhelming, but somehow none of the words clicked with him. Sugawara did mention it took them a while to find their title so he wasn’t expecting to find one that worked tonight. He was ready to give up and take a break until one term caught his eye.  
  
****Genderfluid**** -a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A genderfluid person may feel like a mix of the two traditional genders but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days.  
  
The term made him feel light, as if something clicked and slid to place in his mind. He- No. _They_ mumbled to themself all night, going over terms and meaning including different pronouns to find ones that they felt comfortable.  
  
So the next day when Sugawara greeted them before morning practice they were able to quietly thank him. “Gender-fluid,” Asahi says rubbing the back of their neck while Sugawara smiled at them.  
  
“Good for you! So what pronouns are you feeling today?”  
  
“D-Do you mind using she/her? B-But just between us! I’m not sure about telling others just yet.” She shuffled nervously.  
  
“Of course! Come out at your own speed of course. Now we need to get to practice before captain chews us out.” Sugawara hurries them to the gym. “Ladies first.” They tease with a fake bow.  
  
Asahi blushes and walks in first, taking her first confident steps that day.

**Author's Note:**

> I missed Asahi's birthday legit by one minute a03 you suck.


End file.
